I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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