We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
