i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
