whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
