i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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