Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
