but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
