i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
