They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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