we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
