this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
