Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
