You really coming over, don't trick.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
