if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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