i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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