I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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