We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
