you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
