Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
