dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
