All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
