Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
