I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
