forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
