We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
