My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
