operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
