I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I died a long time ago.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We got so high we made milksteak
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
