New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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