I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your penis caused this!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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