would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
