wanna go halves on a baby?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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