make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
