I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
