im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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