I can text with my tongue
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
