last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
