there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
