The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
