I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
