I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
