One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
