Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
