i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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