Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
