Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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