The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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