i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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