well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
