I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
