just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
